Balik-tanaw

Puno ng graduation pictures at updates tungkol sa pagpasok sa Real World ang Facebook feed ko. Nakaktuwang isipin na isang taon na ang lumipas noong huling post ko ng graduation album ko. Maraming nangyari at maraming nagbago sa buhay ko, maraming dumating, at madami ding umalis. Okay, hindi sila umalis, iniwan ko sila. Ahahah! Dahil hindi na sila magandang dalhin pa sa bago kong mundo. Dahil sa sarili nila, nandoon pa din sila sa stage na lahat pwedeng dayain, lahat makakalusot, lagi dapat party. In short, walang direction ang buhay.

Kagabi, lumabas ako kasama ang ilang kaibigan at tinanong ko: Ano yung nagagawa natin nung college na hindi na natin nagagawa ngayon?

A. Uminom hanggang umaga.

B. Wala naman.

And it was unanimous, letter A ang sagot nilang lahat. Kasi may considerations na din daw kami ngayon. Tulad ng work, gastos, at marami pang iba. Nakakatuwa ding isipin na ang tingin namin sa mga fresh grads ngayon ay "bata". Kaya naman napapapikit na lang ako sa ilang kaibigan ko na patuloy pa din ang pagpparty kahit na dapat ay nagtatrabaho na sila.

Lahat halos ng Facebook albums ko dati, may hawak akong beer o alak.

Teka, nawala ung purpose ko ng pagsusulat. Anyway, yan muna. Isipin ko lang. Sabaw.

Flooding na lang ng litrato with alcohol.

Updates

Well, I always have the time to write, but sometimes, when you don't feel like writing, words wouldn't come out. Today, I feel like writing, so everything comes out random. Bear with me.

Our family went to Singapore last week, and the trip was kind of a Battlestar Galactica (roller coaster) ride for me. There were some good points to it, and some were not quite. But then again, it managed to fulfill its purpose, which is to get some quality time for the family, - and we sure did. Though the entire trip was intended for six people, we found ways to enjoy it one sister less.

It was my first time to actually plan a trip by myself, and I really hate itineraries. Though some members could have been a little more supportive, I say the trip went well. Nuff said.

***

When I got back from our trip, my Facebook feed was dominated by polls and comments regarding Willing Willie's issue with Jan-Jan, who allegedly danced a sexy routine in public tv. According to the comments, Willie publicly humiliated the kid, demoralized, morally abused... and so on. 

If you're not a Filipino, here's a link to the news: 

http://www.pep.ph/news/28880/Commission-on-Human-Rights-condemns-March-12-episode-of-%20Willing-Willie

In my opinion, Willie was not at fault in this case. If the child was unwilling to dance, would he have done it four times? And those tears were not because he was ashamed of what he was doing, heck, I bet he doesn't have any idea that his dancing is morally degrading. 

It's hard to become Willie. People are waiting for him to make a mistake, and then rip him apart from there. He may be a bad person, but who isn't? We throw rocks at a person who's giving away money. Dahil ba hindi niya tayo binibigyan ng pera at mahihirap lang ang nakakatanggap? 

I agree with Cristy Fermin when she said that there are a lot of people who are jealous of Willie's achievements. Fame, fortune, the president's ex, and a high rating show. But the irony of it all, we all want the same things, but we are not willing to face the consequences. He is. That is how much he wanted those things, and that is the reason why he stays in showbusiness despite the allegations, despite the hurting words. And that, I believe is what it takes. Good or bad publicity, is still publicity.

I don't like to defend Willie, because like all others, I have my reasons why I hate him. He's taking our timeslot that from our 10:00pm schedule, we are moved to 11:30 because his show makes an hour and a half overtime. 

But if Willie doesn't help the poor, who will? The government? I think our president is too busy watching Bruno Mars tonight. 

***

I asked a nun about her stand on the 3 Filipinos sentenced to death in China.

"Anong stand niyo dun?"

"It's still life, you know?"

"So mali?"

The Church's stand is a "no""

Call me selfish, but I have to agree with China, and I admire their firm grasp on policies which in our country obviously takes for granted. We bend rules like we made them. If someone commits a crime punishable by death, why do it in the first place if you weren't willing to die for it? 

The thing with Filipinos, we always find our way out. That's how we are, and it works for us even in the most difficult situations. But then again, we tend to abuse what is tolerable, and it eventually becomes right. 

If Marcos was still our president, this would not have happened. Democracy is having the liberty to sneak in 400 grams of heroine in the Philippine airport without getting caught. While bomb jokes are taken very strictly. 

I admire Ang See when she said "bakit natin papakielaman ang batas ng ibang bansa eh droga ito? Dapat respetuhin natin ang batas ng ibang bansa."

The government's plea to save the three Filipinos' lives were more degrading than Janjan's sexy dance. We Filipinos should learn to implement and respect rules because they were made for a very good reason. Life is not equivalent to drug smuggling, but there were rules beforehand. 

***

So there. =) Happy weekday guys! Weekend's just a few sleeps away! Let's Tagaytay!!!

LIfe begins after 40

MORNINGS

It's a cycle, life

however different we want to become

we end up just like everyone else

We sleep to nights, 

wake up to mornings.

Let's go back to the start.

Let's go back to mornings.

Let's wake up to the days that will make us 

feel different and special.

Forty days and forty nights. 

I'm going back to the start.

End of the World

I was sitting on the dining table with my lola and two others, we were having dinner. My lola kept on talking about how strong she still is, yet her body speaks otherwise. In the middle of our conversation, the lights went out. My lola stood up (which she can actually never do anymore), went inside the house and looked for a candle.

I wanted to follow her, just to make sure that she's okay, but something kept me on my chair. My mind was clouded with different conclusions, one of them that it was already the end of this world.

I tried to adjust my eyes in the dark. The explosions outside served as our only source of light. Another big explosion, and I woke up thirsty. It was a scary dream, being part of a scene I'd normally see in the movies.

***

It's alarming though, what's happening to several countries right now. The earthquake in Japan, tsunami in Asia, snow in Saudi, and the fucked up nuclear scare yesterday. Everything seems to be falling right into place, following Mayans that is.

Reynard and I were discussing it last night.

R: I think 2012 is just nature's way of keeping the balance of nature.

W: What do you mean?

R: Just like WW1, WW2, people thought it was already the end of the world.

W: And the millenium bug too!

R: yeah. But come to think of it, the human race isn't completely washed out. It only affects a certain country or region.

W: Maybe 2012 will have a more strict screening process. You know, take only the special kind. Like Noah's Ark, one of each kind lang.

R: yes.

***

Now I have to become extraordinary by 2012. It's not a bad goal right? In order to survive this next screening, I have to be different.

***

P.S., screw you with the hoax nuclear scare. Hope you drown in Betadine in your sleep tonight.

Closed Eyes

Maybe if I close my eyes for a very long time, this will go away.

This too shall pass.

I'm going through difficult times. And work is not making things easier.

I need help.

Crocodile tears and Pinoy Sympathy

If there's one thing I learned about FIlipino telanovelas, the protagonist always cries. When he/she is beaten up, left by a lover, or in pain. Tears never falter in getting them the sympathy they need. When someone cries, it's as if they're calling out for help, a hug, words to make them stronger.

But when the kontrabida starts crying, we go "you deserve it, every single drop of tear".  We think they deserve the pain, all of it. But come to think of it, they were both crying for the same reasons, pain, and the need for help.

***

Now why is it that I'm in a situation where I can't be both? I've gone through several hells before that somehow, I've outgrown the tears. And yet, in my struggle to promote goodness, people abuse it and leave me no room for revenge. I don't get back at people, and I don't try to get even. And most of all, I don't understand what I did wrong this time to deserve this challenge.

In line with the Ten Commandments, I'd like to think I am on the good side. But when my antagonist starts crying, I easily become the bad guy. It's like I have to lose, to win. And losing was never a good goal. I quote Lady Gaga that I was born this way, a winner. And I'd like to keep it at that.

I don't understand why people, Filipinos is general, sympathize with the one crying. And they put too much considerations for every situation. Life would have been simpler if we follow one general rule, and apply it to all. That way, we follow standards. Then we can say what is right or wrong.

Today, I am out of good people to talk to. Everyone's out busy, or everyone's out hating me. I might be taking the wrong signals in, but that's how my mind's been for the past 10 hours or so.

I guess I'm off to a public place, talk to a stranger, and find good company. I could really use one now.
I'm closing my Twitter for today too. Just so I don't flood it with hate quotes. I don't need sympathy, because I am on the good side. What I need is someone who does not fall for crocodile tears, and doesn't have the Pinoy sympathy.

True meanings

www.dreammoods.com

To dream of being or going abroad, indicates unbalance and chaos in your current situation and condition. Consequently, your dream may represent your need for a change in scenery or a desire to escape from a current situation. You need to make some drastic changes in your life. Alternatively, the dream may suggest that you need to expand your horizons or experience a new sense of spirituality.

www.dreamforth.com

To dream that you went on a trip denotes that something in your waking life is not in order. Things may be a bit problematic these days for you.

To dream that you are going on a trip suggests that you crave a break from the usual, the change in scenery perhaps. You are burned-out from working too much, so much so that your unconscious is seeking time off for play and recreation.

A dream involving a long sea voyage can signal that a powerful new friendship is on the horizon. If you dream that you are in a strange country, it can mean the need for a change of scenery in your life.

***

I've been having recurring dreams about going abroad and swimming in an open sea. And it kinda bothered me so I started looking it up and what you just read came up. My dreams suggest that I am craving for change, drastic ones. A change in scenery, or escape something.

I thought I was just excited for our upcoming family trip on the 24th. But this dream about me swimming in the sea was just strange. Here's how it went:

I was on a boat with a fisherman. I kept on telling him that I wanted to swim. He was insistent that I don't. He kept on saying that the water is dangerous. I didn't listen. I went deep into the water and looked up at the surface. I was staring for at least a minute. The rays of the sun passing through the waves as they shatter the surface of the water. It was beautiful, peaceful, serene. 

I wanted to stay there longer, but a call woke me up.

I really don't know what these recurring dreams meant, but I certainly agree with the interpretations that I am looking for a change. 

***

Last night, I wanted to write a sorry letter to an ex girlfriend. I realized that I was not quite the perfect guy for her when we were still together. I took everything for granted. And that I was causing her pain for the longest time. My friends suggested that I don't push through with the letter, they said it wouldn't look good. And we wouldn't want to be sending wrong signals again. 

I hope she gets the chance to read this, my somewhat lame substitute to a well-deserved apology letter. I was a jerk all along. I'm not asking you to come back to me, I'm seriously happy for you. I just wanted to apologize, because I didn't deserve you then, now even more. Thank you for sticking up for me for nine months. I was intolerable, but you were a saint.

I'm glad you found your new guy! He looks awesome. I hope he'd teach me a trick or two with what he does. But yeah, that might complicate things. But I'm serious when I said I am happy for you. Glad you found someone you deserve and deserves you. 

I really learned a lot from us. And I'm using them now with my new relationships. -SHIPS. dami! But yeah, I am now careful not to make the same mistakes I did before. I don't want to hurt, make them cry....wait, now I think I'm writing a letter. An indirect one. Now I gotta stop.

So what I really wanted to say is that,

I'm sorry

I'm really happy for you. 

No I am not writing a letter to get you back. -Just so we don't send mixed signals.

No I am not writing a letter. 

And, uhmm, yeah That pretty much covers everything.

***

What a random Saturday! Taping for Lucky Numbers tomorrow! I can't wait to see Eugene Domingo again! 

My dose of the World Stage

I just finished a parent meeting at Reedley for the upcoming World Stage camp in Singapore. Though I am not yet a parent, I found the talk very informative. It was about unleashing your child's potential, and I applied it to myself.

On our way home, and as I was driving my auntie's automatic car, we started talking about career options in Malaysia. She would really want me to work in Malaysia. Maybe so she'd have easy access to making more WSS videos (ahahahah!) but on top of that, I am hoping and quite sure that she sees potential in me.

Her husband works for some big time company in Malaysia, and offered to back up my application in Malaysia's biggest TV network. She told me that working abroad is like an instant promotion. And the experience is incomparable. She offered me a place to stay, and everything in it. The only person who wasn't really excited about it was me.

My sister is leaving for UK in a few days, and my mom really needs company around here, while she's getting used to the fact that there will only be three of us left. Leaving is never easy, even if it's for a good cause. Leaving, however we put it, is separation. And no one is really good at it.

Last night I went out with some friends, and a small talk about separation came up. One friend told me that I was really good at it, disconnecting from people. And that I don't really give second chances. I thought that was exaggerated. I do give second chances, but I don't voice out their first mistakes. So people will never know when they're on their second chance already or not. I'm a difficult person to deal with, nonetheless, people still want to be with me. That must mean something good, yeah?

When I disconnect with people, I end everything with them. I just don't see logic with hanging on certain things about the past. We don't bring along bad memories, we bring lessons. And that's where I'm good at. I'm a people person really, so there must be something wrong with you when I decide to disconnect. Like the maniac JC and his disturbed issues, and, uhmm., hahah! I'd mention names, but I know they read my blog. THEY need to disconnect! AHAAHHAHAAH! (bawal mag-react. GULITY! Kainis no?)

Anyway, I'll wrap up this blog with this conversation:

BOY: Ang gulo ng sitwasyon natin. Lahat magulo.

GIRL: pinapagulo mo lang ang sitwasyon.

BOY: maybe that's why wala pa akong direksyon sa buhay. Dahil sabi ni Lord, ayusin ko daw muna ang sarili ko. Ang TAYO.

GIRL: Okay. I love you.

BOY: I love you more.

END