This is what I've been doing a lot lately. Gone are the days where I find happiness in everything. Maybe it's because I've met my kryptonites. And it's killing me fast.
Blue Kryptonite goes to work.
Work has been really demanding a lot from me lately. Time, energy, brain cells, emotion. All of these are drained out of me after every shoot. And as if to aggravate the situation, some people from work are not making it easier for me. Mayabang na ako, pero ang daming bakla na nagkakagusto sa akin na minsan, natatakot ako kung tama pa bang pakisamahan ko sila o maging suplado na lang at kainisan sa trabaho. Gusto kong makasundo ang lahat ng tao sa work, pero hindi ako pwede maging friendly. The irony.
May ilan namang tao sa work na pinepersonal ako dahil siguro sa insecurities na natitrigger ko sa loob nila. Eto na lang, hindi sukatan ang tagal mo sa trabaho para masabing magaling ka. Maaaring magaling ka nga sa mata mo, pero minsan, aminin natin, mas magaling ako (magdala ng sitwasyon). =)
red Kryptonite goes to friends
I haven't seen a lot of them lately and I miss them so much. Puro na lang ako work at lovelife na minsan, hindi na ako nagiging ako. Gone are the days na umuuwi ako ng lasing, ng bumabangka sa kwentuhan, ng tumatawa ng malakas ng walang totoong dahilan. Although I've made some good friends at work, siyempre, iba pa din yung mga barkada mo talaga. gustohin ko man sila isingit sa schedule ko, demanding ang work, pati ang lovelife.
Yellow Kryptonite goes to family
My mom visited the other day, for two days. Both days I was out because of a location shoot. I didn't get to see much of her, just a simple hi-hello and a kiss. And while working, it frustrates me that my mom is at home worried sick about my health for not getting decent sleep because of work. I was up almost 40 hours and working. She seriously wants me to get another job, with normal working hours. She doesn't care about the money I'm making, she just cares about me. Moms are like that no? I cried not because I was hurt, but because I was tired.
If I wasn't as big as I am now, I'd hug my mom, cry for five minutes, hug her even tighter and tell her, "ma, pagod na ako." But I'm too ashamed to do that. I wasn't raised to be sweet, and clingy. I was raised to become a strong and powerful person. So I just call her every now and then, tell her I'm doing fine. The rest of the pain, I deal with myself. kaya ko naman eh, hangga't kaya.
Never has my mom interfered with my decision-making, only this one. Work's adjusting pretty well on my clock naman lately, I just don't know how long this will last. I get tired, yes. But it's better than doing nothing. Singapore offer is still up for grabs, and it's getting warmer as I count the days. I'm finding great reasons to stay sa work. Joselle, Maki, mom Faye, Ynah, Ms. TR, Ms. Yvette, Kuya Jonard, the MIB's, Kuya Aldrin, the friendly drivers, sa catering people, people from the canteen who surprisingly knows my name, the lady guards. Lahat sila, mahalaga na sa akin. =)
kakapit ako hangga't kaya. Just help me Lord. At utang na loob, sana mamatay na ang mga taong nakikielam sa trabaho ko at hindi naman ginagawa ng maayos ang trabaho nila. yun lang pows.
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