naghahanap ako ng gwapo

My uncle died last week, and our family went there for his burial.

My sister went a day ahead of us because of work, and chose to attend the wake than the burial instead. Anyway, when my sister arrived in Laguna, I received a text message form her.

"What if dad introduced our half sibs? What would you do?"

I've always known that our half siblings live in Batangas, but I never expected them to be close with my dad's family. Not in the sense where they'd be attending my uncle's wake. For a moment, I became jealous. But then again I thought, my dad doesn't deserve my special attention, nor should I work hard for it.

Anyway, my conversation with my sister went on. She said than my half brother was handsome, and frankly, she said, he looks better than me. Honestly, this did bother me.

The following day, I was so certain I'd meet him. So I dressed up well, put on my best perfume and set my mode on a more competitive note. I was never into sibling rivalry, not like this. I told myself, "pota, makikipagyabangan ako."

I always thought I was on the winning end, legal family, well-off and all. Pero I still think life without my dad would have been better. That if my father chose them (the other) over our family, we would have made more money, become more successful. Personally, I'd become more determined to strive harder and do well in life, because I have a lot of things to prove yet.

But that's that. He didn't show up at the burial. Every good-looking guy that I see during the burial, I examine head to toe, expecting it'd be him, my half brother. But I failed. I guess this isn't the right time.

I'd still be waiting to meet my half brother. And what will I do when I meet him, I don't know yet. I'm still afraid, but the thought of not meeting him scares me more. Acceptance puts an end to all negative things, to those which we do not understand.

My mom meeting him made her sad by the way. Glad graduation's coming along just fine. Now where could I get those beautiful flowers for my mom?