Death and Resurrection

Binalikan ko ang blog ko from five years ago, and saw this. Mahusay naman pala ako magsulat dati, ANYARE!?

I woke up at 3:19 a.m. last night curled up at the edge of my bed, panting. I had the worst dream. I was sentenced to die.

Before I went to bed last night, I was watching the news. A team of environmentalists was being accused of libel by a huge company in Sulu. The company was allegedly releasing their toxins in a nearby sea that caused the death of more than a hundred fishes and marine life in Sulu. The environmentalist team then released a public note which was later on disapproved by the factory, thus, accused the group with a libel case.

The dream I had was patterned to what had happened in Sulu, by which in my case, I was the environmentalist, and the company owner was masked. I was to be electrocuted. I am already 19 years old, without a lawyer, and I am desperate. My eldest sister was with me, trying to stop the tears circling her eyes. I tried to talk myself out of the situation with executioner, but my plea for life aggravated his drive to kill.

I was chained uncomfortably on the electric chair. I tried to slip my hands and hopefully escape, but I failed, many times over. Then my sister popped the question, "should I tell Ma?". Although asleep, I knew my heart was crying like I’ve never felt happiness in my entire life. My body was shaking but my mind was under the mercy of my dream. Despair.

I had to choose. Would I want my mom beside me while I am being killed and cherish the last remaining seconds of my life with her? Or should I spare her the agony of seeing her son die right in front of her, both helpless and distressed?

Then my sister asked once more, "should I tell Ma?". I said "No".

There were two of us accused that day. One was a shabby, bearded man who seemed to have no family at all. He was killed unexpectedly, as if trying to give me a clearer picture of what’s going to happen. I know I did nothing wrong. I am innocent, but my dream proves otherwise.

At the last minute, I looked at my sister and told her to tell my mother that I really love her. Coming from me, those words were not to be taken for granted. It took all the remaining courage in me to get through all that emotion. At that moment, it felt like as if I was already dead.

I closed my eyes and basked in the melancholic beauty of darkness. And when I opened them for what I thought was the last time, I saw her, my mom. She held my head with her hands, eyes trying to communicate what words couldn’t express. We were both crying.

It was the happiest moment of my life. From that moment on, I was prepared to die.

The guards dragged her across the hall. Saying goodbye wasn’t easy, especially when you know it’s going to be the last. I did not know how to put "thank you’s", and "I love you’s", and I’m sorry’s" altogether to give justice as to what my mom truly deserves. But I had to, because I was literally running out of time. It was painful and difficult all at the same time.

This agonizing emotion truly belongs to someone who is about to die, for no one CAN survive after this.

Darkness.

Light.

And then I woke up…

… and realized how much blessing it is indeed to be alive and breathing still.

I thanked God for my mom, which is by far the best thing that ever happened to me, and forever will be.

I thank God for letting me have these dreams, they make such good realizations of what we have been taking for granted in real life.

Life is precious, life is a gift. Let us make the most out of it while we still can.

Life is a one time big time, let’s make ours count!

Kiss and hug your moms for me =)