My careful mom

I had the most heartbreaking conversation with mom the other day, I told her I was tired of talking to her. At that moment, yes I was, but I know I never really meant that. I said it because that's how I felt at that moment. I was honest for a moment, but the seconds that followed it weren't.

Mom stopped listening to my suggestions about IIBB. She insisted her ways, na dapat ganito, dapat ganon. So I let her decide. Hindi na ako nakialam. But the thing is, she'd nag about how IIBB needs a warmer interior, a more organized food traffic and all, hence, all my suggestions. But once I bring them up again, she'll only push my ideas away. This went on for three cycles, and I got tired.

I told her, "hindi ako kalaban, so stop pushing my suggestions away. Kung ayaw mo, stop asking for my opinion. You don't have to prove me wrong all the time. Wala ka namang dapat patunayan sa akin."

We always fight whenever we talk about our resto, nakakalungkot. So whenever she talks about IIBB, I do not answer, at all. This became effective for the first couple of days. We stopped fighting. But also, we stopped talking.

Then came the awkward goodbye kisses, the silence during breakfast, the late night concerned text messages disappeared too. This became too depressing. Just to get away from it all, I always leave the house early in the morning, and come back late at night. Most of the time, I am busy at work. Sometimes, I ask my friends out. Just to get away from it all.

Now I'm slowly realizing where this brought us. I seriously love my mom, and I really don't want us fighting. We've both been very hard on the situation, on each other, that it made us grow apart. This morning, I felt her effort once more.

"Kain ka. May nabili akong tinapay sa Centris, mahal pero masarap."

Busog pa ako.

And then she ate the bread in front of me, while watching tv.

"Anong palaman?"

Butter. -sagot niya.

Ah, ok. And I returned to Facebook. After a few seconds,

"Ano ba gusto mo palaman? Igagawa kita."

"Wala naman..."

Ten seconds.

I stood up and went to the kitchen, grabbed a cup of coffee and bread, butter.

"Igagawa kita ng palaman, anong gusto mo? Spam?"

"Okay na butter."

And then she sat, as if inviting me to sit down too.

We tried talking. As we went on, I was all "baby steps" inside my head.

I went to mass without her.

I am praying that we'll get through this awkward phase. I miss my mom.

Tomorrow is another chance for me to make up for our lost moments the past week. We'll pay our condo debts, and probably have lunch together. I hope this works for the best!