Saturday, May 30, 2009

Happy thought drive

I need more happy thoughts.

Ewan. Gloomy all of a sudden.

Gusto ko tuloy talaga magpa-tattoo!

Wag lang may lalapit sa akin at mag-offer, kasi pota, papatulan ko talagaaa!

Tireds to them Bones

I suddenly felt tired again. All my friends are done and over with their OJT's, but I haven't really started yet. I'm just beginning to like it, but my friends keep on reminding me that I have to get tired at some point, that I am too preoccupied with so many things, that I couldn't do it.

People around me ask me to go with them here and there, invite me to go elsewhere, escape stress and Manila mess.

I used to love what I do, and I know I still do, but people have got to stop pulling me down. They have got to stop reminding me "what I'm missing", because apparently, I'm not missing anything. In fact, I'm learning, gaining many new things.

I'd love the opportunity to switch off my phone for a day and focus on what I really want to do, my internship. I wanted to focus with the people I'm working with. It's not my problem that my friends see their internships as added labor. I enjoy it as much as I enjoy traveling, and if people couldn't understand that, they have all my pity.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009


I watched The Beach last night hoping that it would tickle the traveler side in me. It's shot entirely in Bangkok, a place I've grown to love in five days. But as the story went on, I realized that the film was about to tickle another side in me, my fears.

I love how the people from the island dealt with life in the simplest way. For them, everything was easy, and the only thing to look forward to was the number of years of them growing together in the island.

I thought traveling alone would be more fun since you get to discover everything by yourself. But what if trouble comes, and you have nobody to share it with? The fear, the unknown, the distance away from your comfort zone. I suddenly realized that in as much as I wanted to be away from everything I'm comfortable with, I am still afraid to lose all these comforts. Leonardo was right when he said

~ The only downer is, everyone's got the same idea. We all travel thousands of miles just to watch TV and check in to somewhere with all the comforts of home, and you gotta ask yourself, what is the point of that?~

I still want to travel, discover the unknown, take the road less traveled. but this time, I want to be with someone special. =)

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Can a man?

I swept away my fears when I thought I was strong
I forgot all about the lies I tried to get away from
I got over my problems faster than I thought I could
I withstood the cold dark nights thinking I should
Should a man ever be this strong?

The fires of hell seemed winter down my spine
The long distance walks became a routine
I never got tired but yet I sleep
I still wanted to sleep, where it’s dark
And everything else is unreal

I wanted to do so much thinking that I am strong
But seeing others fail and fall and fail many times over
I couldn’t help but think and look myself in the mirror
Wondering, could a man ever be this strong?

Friday, May 8, 2009

21 expectations

What people expect when you are 21:

1. You cannot consider yourself as a teen anymore. No twen-teen crap.

2. You can become a father and it wouldn’t look too early.

3. You will be asked about your job. Thus, people will be wondering why you are still in school.

4. People can physically hurt you and people wouldn’t feel bad. They will expect you to fight back. You either become the violent guy or the victim.

5. Asking money from other people is not cute anymore. And this time, you really have to pay them back. They WILL want you to pay them back.

6. People will start taking you seriously. Everything you say can be taken against you. Youth is no longer an excuse to make mistakes.

7. You couldn’t puke after drinking too much. That’s kids’ stuff.

8. When you take risks, you take full responsibility over everything.

9. People will no longer question your driving skills. 21 is an age people can
trust with big responsibilities.

10. You must at least know something about troubleshooting cars. People who get stuck in the middle of the road will be asking you basic questions about their cars, and would expect an answer.

11. You cannot lie. When you lie to people, they will be offended differently. As I’ve said earlier, people will take you very seriously, even your statements. So be very careful as they won’t take lies for an answer.

12. You are expected to reach your full physical growth. When we hear are 21, we expect someone tall, athletic and professional.

13. You are to wear semi-formal clothes. People will start making fun of you when they know you are 21, and yet you still wear Spongebob. He may be your favorite character, but he’d have to stay in your undergarments this time.

14. It’s not anymore a good sight when you go out with high school girls. It may have looked cool when you were 20, but not when you’re 21.

15. You are expected to know how to cook at least five dishes. When people crash your pad, they will expect good food.

16. People would want to hear stories from you. Being 21, you must have gotten through a lot of things. People expect sex stories, life-changing experiences, how different you were in college and so on.

17. You must know what to do during an emergency situation. During an earthquake, kids and women will come to you and expect you to protect them with all your might.

18. You must have a steady relationship, with experience.

19. People expect you to have a car.

20. You should already have at least one decent hobby. It can be a collection of toys that will remind you of your childhood days, racing and racecars, your own personal bar at home, etc. People will start attaching stuff to your name, like “Paul the wine guy”, or “Carl, the one with the 50 dogs”.

21. Lastly, people expect you to throw a great party on your birthday.

What I expect when I turn 21:

1. A DSLR please (ang tagal na neto Lord!)

2. A set of plain shirts with different colors, so that I could wear them for a week (--new image! Wahaha)

3. A handy bag (dahil nakakapagod bitbitin ang backpack, laging iniinspeksyon sa mall)

4. Leather shoes which aren’t black (di pa ako nagkakaroon neto, school shoes lang talaga. Gusto ko lang maexperience)

5. A perfume that doesn’t smell like a hand-me-down from your dad (nanghihinayang kasi akong gamitin yung mahal kong pabango everyday. Pero gusto kong maging mabango everyday…AMP)

6. A collection of Andy Stanley’s books (galing niya sumulat minsan)

7. A copy of the book and documentary-film by Tammy Kling and John Spencer Ellis—The Compass ( autobiography ko. Sabi kasi, “What drives your inner compass?”. Astig!)

8. A car (is it too much to ask?)

9. Pants that suit my age (hindi ako mahilig sa damit talaga. Gusto ko lang.)

10. A Mac (Dahil sa choosy na Final Cut)

11. A good phone with good camera quality (Dahil ang daming moments na gutso kong kuhanan pero wala akong dalang camera)

12. A new hobby (bukod sa editing, pwede din sana golf?)

13. Wind cigarettes (dahil gagawin ko ang lahat para lang matigil sa pagyoyosi, at eto ang mukahng effective. (www.windcigarettes.multiply.com)

14. A two way ticket to Bangkok (dahil happy place yon at miss ko na talaga doon!)

15. A tour package anywhere in the Philippines for one (matanda na ako, pabayaan ninyo akong mapag-isa!)

16. An everyday buddy (kasama sa lahat ng ginagawa ko, as in lahat. Isang tawag lang, anjan na.)

17. My own kitchen (dahil chef ako)

18. A new iPod (yung may LCD, kahit hindi colored. Nakaka-ewan ang Shuffle, di mo alam ang kasunod na kanta!)

19. The blue slippers with translucent strap at Havs (bibili din kami ni Cams neto, pag sale!)

20. No surprises (every year)

21. To be lean and healthy (dahil sa edad natin ngayon, mahirap na)

**Bakit sa mga naisip ko sa taas, pakiramdam ko eh sobrang tanda ko na!? Baka na-enjoy ko lang talaga ang pagiging 20. =)

QUOTE FROM THE COMPASS:

“Sometimes, you must let go of the life you had planned in order to make room for the life ahead of you.”

Something new

I’ve been doing a lot of new things lately, and most of them, I am not proud of. I checked a friend’s daily planner the other day and found that she’s been listing down all her daily expenses. I tried doing mine as well and found out that I almost spend a thousand pesos a day for almost a week. I’ve been buying stuff I don’t really need, eating at really expensive restaurants and more.

Lately I’ve been doing my laundry as well. Not my entire clothes but only my underwear and socks. It’s frustrating how difficult it is to get it cleaned and soap-free. I wonder how maids manage to do it with real clothes, like jeans and jackets!

I’ve been thinking less of myself lately, and it bothers me that I couldn’t spend much time with myself for myself. Maybe that is the reason why I easily get tired, because I never feel rested at all.

And lastly, I’ve been speaking too much English lately. It’s because of the crowd I am with definitely. I may not be proud of any of these simply because I feel different and disconnected from my previous self. But for as long as I do not see anything bad coming out of what I’ve been doing, and should I some personality development with such, I wouldn’t have any problem keeping myself this way. After all, we sometimes need a change of air every once in a while! =)

Saturday, May 2, 2009

Soul Searching

I've always wanted to travel, kaso nga lang, limitado ang pera at kaalaman ko sa iba't-ibang lugar. Pero I know, eventually, matututunan ko din ito, lalo na kung makakapagtravel talaga ako. Ang traveling kasi ay yung mga bagay na you-have-to-experience-it-before-you-know-how-it-is-like. Pero siyempre, gusto ko munang travel-in ang Pilipinas above others.

Sa nalalapit kong birthday, nabanggit ko kay ma na gusto kong gift sana ay pera para makapag-biyahe ng malayo. Gusto ko sa harap ng beach, magsusulat ako, iiyak, iinom, at mmanunood ng mga taong nagbabakasyon. Gusto ko yung pakiramdam ng naliligaw, naghahanap, at sa huli ay uuwi ka sa bahay mong inaasam.

Kakaiba nga siguro itong trip ko sa buhay, pero sa ganitong bagay ako nakakahanap ng totoong silence. Hindi tahimik sa isang kwartong solo mo, hindi tahimik ang isang lugar na kilala mo. Tahimik ang lugar kung saan sarili mo lang ang maririnig mo.

I want to be one with nature, I want to travel. Sana, sa 21st birthday ko, magawa ko ito. Lord, anong magandang gawin?

Pag-ibig sa Taong 2009

Kanina, may isang social experiment na naman akong nagtapos. Ang cook namin sa resto na si Manong ay araw-araw kong binabati. Tuwing pupunta ako doon para kumain, sunduin si mom, or anytime na mapapadaan ako, binabati ko siya. Kanina, pagsundo ko kay ma, hindi ko siya tiningnan. After noon, mukha na siyang hindi mapakali. Tingin ng tingin everytime may chance, hanggang sa after 5 times niyang lingon, I gave him a nod. Natahimik din siya.

Ang tao talaga, kahit maliit na bagay, basta’t nakasanayan mo, mahirap alisin sa sistema mo. Kaya naman totoo ang kasabihan na ang batang pinalaki ng tama…matangkad! Haha. Kung ano ka sa labas, most likely ganoong klaseng pamilya meron ka. Basagulero ka man at gago, malamang pinaglihi sa WWII ang pamilya mo. Pero kung mabait ka naman, baka magaling magtago ang parents mo kapag nag-aaway, at puro halik ni lolo at pamasko mula kay tita ang natatanggap mo. Which is a good thing,, dahil kailangan ka ng mundo ngayon, good people.

Kaya naman naisip ko, pwede din pala talagang pag-aralan ang pag-ibig. Oras na makasanayan mo ang isang bagay, mahirap nang alisin sa sistema mo. Positive man o negative ang pagtanggap mo dito, apektado ka oras na mawala ito. May tropa ako dati, laging pinaglalaruan ang tastas na butones sa polo niya. Isang araw, nalaglag ng tuluyan yung butones. The following week, nakikita ko siyang hinihimas ang used-to-be place ng butones. Tinanong ko siya tungkol dito, sabi niya, hindi daw siya aware na ginagawa niya yun, at may tulad ko daw pala na masyadong mapansinin sa mga walang kwentang bagay. Tropa ko pa din siya hanggang ngayon, despite that compliment.

The butones applies to the nagging stalkers na hindi ka tinitigilan 24/7. Tawag ng tawag, flooding sa text, sinasalubong ng bouquet ang umaga mo, sinisingitan ng love letters and poems ang libro mo, ginagawan ka ng kanta, at araw-araw dumadalaw sa online site mo just to check on you! Tulad ng tropa ko at ng butones niya, unconsciously, we check on our stalkers everyday, kung vi-niew ka ba niya, or kung may 13 missed calls ka mula sa kanya. Kapag nawala ang lahat ng ito, pwede tayong ma-relieve, dahil sa wakas, wala nang freaky stalker, na sa wakas, hindi ka na maco-conscious sa galaw mo dahil wala nang nakatitig sa iyo. But at the back of your head, magtatanong ka kung bakit siya nawala. Nagkasakit ba siya, na-confine sa ospital, or worse, nakahanap ng iba!?

Oo, masasaktan pa din tayo kapag nag-move on siya at tayo ay hindi pa. Tao kasi, gusto natin ng affirmation mula sa ibang tao na oo, maganda at gwapo tayo, na oo, perfect ang katawan ko, na oo, matalino na ako at athletic pa! Through them, we measure our self value. Through them, we are able to verify na tama ang iniisip natin about ourselves. Mali kasi na isipin that we are beautiful, pero sa mata naman ng karamihan, saksakan tayo ng pangit. The point is, kapag may stalker ka, you are likeable. Yun na yun!

True love pa din kayang maituturing kapag ang isang lalaki ay nadaan lang sa pilitan ang babae? Yung tipong,” magpapakamatay ako kapag hindi mo ako sinagot”!? Yung mga couples na nakikita natin na:

“pare, ganda nung chick o, kaso mukhang tighawat yung syota! Sayang!”

“Siguro mayaman!”

Love sets its boundaries kasi. We choose who we want to love.

Sa totoo lang, lahat ng babae, ideal girl eh, pero tayo, we set our individual standards. Na kesyo dapat ganito ang height, ganito ang I.Q., na dapat maputi ang kili-kili. Kapag may nakita tayong pangit, automatically, isasarado na natin ang puso natin, at kahit kalian, hindi natin sila tatanggapin. Kahit sa mata ng marami, sila ang ideal.

In my opinion, mas maraming babae ang bulag kesa lalaki. Ligawan ka ng geek, mandidiri ka. Pero kapag si geek, nagka-girlfriend at tinransform siya into a hot guy, manghihinayang ka na hindi mo pa siya sinagot noon. Dahil lang kasi sa geek siya, sinarado mo agad ang puso mo. Hindi mo tuloy nakita ang hot-ness na nasa kanya na talaga noon pa man.

Madami tayong choices sa buhay, sa bilyon-bilyong population sa mundo, at sa dami ng nagdidivorce, sobra pa sa tatlo ang para sa iyo! Akala lagi natin na nauubusan na tayo dahil when we look at people, we use our eyes, and not our hearts. Pero kung puso ang gagamitin natin sa paghahanap, 9 out of 10 women, ideal. Sa loob ng isang bar, 90% doon, wife-able!!!

Women have better instincts because they are more sensitive and emotional, malapit sila sa puso.

You can never really go wrong when you listen to and follow your heart. Sa lahat ng advice na narinig ko, yan ang pinaka-effective. Sa ending ng halos lahat ng feel-good movies, laging sinusunod ng bida ang puso niya. Bakit? Dahil following our heart makes us feel good! Magkamali man tayo, mas acceptable, dahil sinunod natin ang sabi ng puso natin.

So the next time we see a couple na pangit yung isa, at yung isa hindi, don’t question them, but question yourself instead: “bakit ako wala?” –dahil ang taong in-love, sa sobrang in-love, lahat ng tao sa paligid ay sumasayaw, lahat ng tao ay meant to be, lahat ng tao ay nakalutang sa ulap, at silang lahat ay napapaligiran ng glitters and g-clefs! At ang love-less---Kontrabida!