pre-birthday

Today, I woke up to a very unusual morning. It was hot inside my room but I wasn’t sweating, I was tired but I thought I had enough sleeping, my body aches, my mind is unsettled, everything was a blur yet something inside me says everything is in order. Unusual.

I’ll be celebrating my birthday in a week, and I strongly feel that this year is gonna be different. 23 years of existence, one year into work, one year away from college friends, one year influenced by the pollution that is media, one year in love, one year stressed out; one year.

Funny how a year can change you, let a lone a month, or a day, or a split second that will change your life forever. We don’t ask, but we anticipate it every single time.

This year, I think my life has changed. Change that wasn’t strong enough to be life changing, but it has changed me. My beliefs, philosophies, and principles are now pointing at a completely different target. My work, a person, a dog, and my family did that to me. And I hope to be thankful for them next year.

I had a dream about my dad last night, and I was running away from him. He was apologetic, but I was indifferent. I woke up today, living the dream still. It’s funny how they put forgiveness before forgetting, when in reality, we don’t really forgive when we can still remember. So forget, and try to forgive.

Yesterday, I had another memory lapse. I was sitting inside a car, and forgot who I’m sitting with for a good ten seconds. It was scary, I cried right after. It was as if I rode inside a stranger’s car. I freaked out a bit, and then tried to remember eventually. Scariest ten seconds of my life.

Maybe that’s why I love taking photos, and I love writing, because one day, I’ll be using them to remind me of the things that I have forgotten. Every time these memory lapses occur, they get stronger, and longer. It’s unforgivable if one day I forget about everything good that people has done for me, more so, the people I love. Lord, help me remember the good things, and forget all about the bad. I want to remember how good life has been for me.

I really miss driving. I miss driving long distances. Months back, when I feel down, I would usually take the car somewhere I haven’t been, and stay there, until I feel better. The road and I, we’re somehow connected, like me and the beach, and me and nature. We are one. After fighting over two cars, I decided my sister can have them both. I feel sad I went that far to get away from naggers. But I wouldn’t put a price to the peace I have right now.

I think I’ll go somewhere on my birthday.

Have a great day guys! And do forget to greet me on my birthday, I don’t like greetings. Thanks!