And then there were four.
Mom and I walked ahead and found the Carmel of St. Joseph overwhelmed with people. Most of them were already standing, good thing an old timer saw us and got us some monoblock chairs. Mom and I sat together, dad and Symon on the other end. Before Homily, it started to drizzle some more.
I opened my umbrella for mom and me, and suddenly, everything went silent. The priest stopped his homily, the crowd was blank and unresponsive. Was it just me or did everything just turn creepy?
There. It was just me and my mom, on Christmas eve. Did it feel lonely having two family members out of the picture?
Different. Not lonely, but rather different. I would have wanted both my sister with me, just like the old times. but hey, work is work, and religion is religion. We have to respect that.
It was unusual for us to celebrate Christmas without any home decors, a tree, a cake, a feast. Blame it on the bazaar that took the last month of the year away from us. But hey, if it puts food on the table, who can I blame?
Mom and I started our little talks. I could hear the priest murmur some lectures on the back, but above it all, I could hear my mom and me talking sense, loud and clear. We sat in the rain, arms clenched together, under one umbrella and heard mass. This reminded me of one of the best Christmases, if not the bestest, I had.
FLASHBACK
I was six years old. Mom and I were left at home for Christmas Eve. My two sisters went to Lucena to visit my lola for Christmas. My dad went home to Batangas. December 24, I could not wait to open my gifts.
4:00pm, mom decided to bring me to church. At 6, I could not help but ask her Christmas questions.
"Anong handa natin mamaya?" (What are we having for Noche Buena?)
"Kelan uuwi sina achi?" (When will my sisters return?)
"What time can I open my presents?"
"Do I really have to wait until midnight?"
I can feel my mom's frustrations. She wanted to give me answers I wanted to hear, but all she had were ones that would disappoint.
I endured the hour-long Christmas mass just to get to the answers I've been waiting for.
Breaking the silence, she asked me:
"Saan mo gustong kumain?" (Where do you want to eat?)
CRASH
That's my hope for a feast crashing down. Goodbye ice cream, goodbye cakes. She did not prepare for the two of us tonight.
Mom brought me to Cindy's, a really old burger chain which now only exists at Tarlac. I had burger and spaghetti for dinner, while my mom watched me eat. I was kind of disappointed, really. But somehow, I tried to keep it to myself. Now, I realize I was simply being sensitive to her feelings back then. I would not want to hurt her feelings so I acted as if I was enjoying the meal. Imagine, at 6....I can act, or so I thought. ahah
We went home and watched Sunday news together. She let me open my presents..err, make that present. I opened one gift, and that was a train set from Santa. I did not like it at all, it looked cheap, and it almost did not work. I tried playing with it for a time, just enough to make her feel that I loved Santa's gift. At 8pm, she wanted me to sleep.
Could this day get any more boring?
As she tucked me in bed, I could not get this weird smile off my face. It took me a while before I was able to put the pieces together.
I thought I just had the most amazing Christmas ever. And I did. At 6, I found the true meaning of Christmas. It was never about the food, or the gifts you receive. It's about the birth of Jesus, the thanksgiving, the warm company of the people you spend the holidays with.
Before I went to seep that night, I went back to the wonderful day I just had. I was with my mom the entire day, and all her attention was on me. I was really thankful that sensitivity made an early visit on my part. Had I been stubborn with the sad dinner and toys, I would have ruined the entire Christmas feel. (And would not have arrived at this realization!)
So whenever people would ask me about my best Christmas ever, I would always have to go back to this one. Why? Because at 6, I am proud to have found the true meaning of the season. Since then, I was never a fan of huge expensive gifts and wow parties. Plus, I hated surprises too. I wanted to keep everything simple. That way, we can put our attention as to why we are celebrating such occasions. Like birthdays, and yeah, Christmas.
So I guess my mom taught me to become the sensitive, appreciative, loving, generous, simple person I am today. That, for me, is the greatest Christmas present I have ever received.
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