Past 4:00am I was driving along EDSA. The cool BER month breeze blowing through my ears as I counted the streetlights pass me by. Five minutes more, I had to close the windows. I thought I needed to get away from people. My vision began to blur as tears started to circle my eyes. I had to close them from time to time to see the road clearly. As if closing them were enough to help me clearly see what life has in store for me. It wasn't.
The radio's volume was up, and deaf was all I'd ever be. Cars piled up behind me, yet their blows of horn was as shallow as butterfly's whisper. People said I move on too quickly. But last night, I asked myself, why the tears? Why in pain?
Friday, November 6, 2009
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Fondness and the like
So I'm chatting with this stranger from St. Paul who sent me a message last week, asking if I was from Ateneo. She became too persistent that it is now quite difficult for me to keep myself away from her. She's now asking for my cellphone number, and sends me a message everytime I go online.
Now I know she's hitting on me when she starts noticing how Korean actor I look and how I should enter showbiz and all. Interestingly enough, she's only in her 2nd year, college.
I smiled.
I suddenly felt the rush I used to have way back in highschool where people stalk you like mad. I've had people calling my house, following me at malls, strangers texting me. For the bikini open I joined, I even got a group of people waiting for me outside asking for an autograph. Funny, but not something I'd laugh about.
That was my last taste of limelight and I wouldn't want any more servings. Overwhelming yes, but not enough to give away the quiet life I've always wanted.
So here I am again, tolerating this young girl's fondness. Now she's asking about my lovelife, the breakup, and everything good about me. It's nice to get people like **** every now and then. It makes you feel special and appreciated, and not the kind you get from the people who know you. Sometimes, it's a bonus to get praises from strangers. it means you are really doing well, well enough for these strangers to notice you.
Now I know she's hitting on me when she starts noticing how Korean actor I look and how I should enter showbiz and all. Interestingly enough, she's only in her 2nd year, college.
I smiled.
I suddenly felt the rush I used to have way back in highschool where people stalk you like mad. I've had people calling my house, following me at malls, strangers texting me. For the bikini open I joined, I even got a group of people waiting for me outside asking for an autograph. Funny, but not something I'd laugh about.
That was my last taste of limelight and I wouldn't want any more servings. Overwhelming yes, but not enough to give away the quiet life I've always wanted.
So here I am again, tolerating this young girl's fondness. Now she's asking about my lovelife, the breakup, and everything good about me. It's nice to get people like **** every now and then. It makes you feel special and appreciated, and not the kind you get from the people who know you. Sometimes, it's a bonus to get praises from strangers. it means you are really doing well, well enough for these strangers to notice you.
At the middle of it all
In the midst of playing Cafe World and watching the Lord of the Rings for the first time, a thought came upon me.
What do I want now?
On top of my head, I seriously want to go back to Manila. Other than that, all else is uncertain.
Going home where everything seems stagnant makes me stow away from what I thought were my goals back in Manila. It's different here when everybody else thinks you are this much, when in reality, you are only this enough. And people here would not understand your satisfaction. Ironically, they do not even get to half the satisfaction I have of myself. Sad.
Napagod ako.
And there's this friend who's been nagging me about editing a video for her months ago. And she's demanding it anytime this week. So goodluck with my grand Manila welcome anytime soon. I'm sure it wouldn't be grand like I hoped it would be.
New thesis coming along, enrollment for my irregular subject, and this friend with the favor.
And I thought sembreak was supposed to be fun.
What do I want now?
On top of my head, I seriously want to go back to Manila. Other than that, all else is uncertain.
Going home where everything seems stagnant makes me stow away from what I thought were my goals back in Manila. It's different here when everybody else thinks you are this much, when in reality, you are only this enough. And people here would not understand your satisfaction. Ironically, they do not even get to half the satisfaction I have of myself. Sad.
Napagod ako.
And there's this friend who's been nagging me about editing a video for her months ago. And she's demanding it anytime this week. So goodluck with my grand Manila welcome anytime soon. I'm sure it wouldn't be grand like I hoped it would be.
New thesis coming along, enrollment for my irregular subject, and this friend with the favor.
And I thought sembreak was supposed to be fun.
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