Sunday, October 31, 2010

Mahirap daw magpalaki ng magulang

Ininspeksyon ko ang bahay pagka-dating ko sa Lucena. Kung malinis ba, kung safe pa bang tirahan, kung hindi ba maiinip ang nanay ko kapag wala kami. Napapansin ko kasing napapadalas ang pagbisita nila sa Manila lately, kaya naman ako nagiging ganito kapraning.

Buti na lang at abala ang mom ko sa bago niyang hobby, ang Herbal Life. Busy siya sa pag attend ng seminars, sa pagpapagawa ng Nutrition Center sa Lucena, sa pagbebenta ng Herbal Life stuffs. At least hindi siya bored. Same goes with my dad who just lost the elections, mas may time na siya with my mom, with the business (minus the kupit please?), at sa Herbal Life.

Naisip ko, okay na din siguro, kesa naman sa wala silang pinagkakaabalahan.

Sa loob ng kotse, nagtanong si dad.

Happy ka na ba sa work mo? Okay naman sweldo?

Hindi sapat compared sa iba. Charity work minsan.

Ganyan din sa barangay eh. Kaya hindi na din ako masyado nangampanya nitong huli.

(*Ah, buti na lang hindi ako nag donate ng limang sako ng semento sa kampanya mo, hindi ka naman ala seryoso eh.)

***

Anyway, malungkot ako ngayong araw. Bothered. Pressured. Stressed. Ewan.

Kainag tanghali kasi, pinag uuspaan namin ang bazaar ng GMA7 na kasali kami. Sa Nov. 27 (punta kayo please? Sa World Trade Center. Two weeks.) Eh bilang hindi ako Commerce, wala ako masyadong alam sa ganito. Ako ang pinapamahala ng lahat.

Isa pa.

Ang renovation ng IIBB na matagal nang pinangarap ng nanay ko. Sana matuloy na sa tulong ng aking mga mapagmahal na kaibigan. Si Tutch, si Fritz, si Reynard at si Joselle. Pabalik kami ng Lucena sa Nov. 2 para isaayos ang lahat ng bagay. Hirap lang kausap ni ma na gusto magrenovate, pero ayaw pakawalan ang karamihan sa mga concept at design ng IIBB. Magiging mahirap yata ito. Pero para matapos na at wala na siyang masabi pa, sige na. Tapusin na natin ito.

Magpapahinga muna ako mula sa totoo kong trabaho para pagbigyan ang mga magulang na ito. Kanila na muna ang atensyon ko.

Kanina, para masaya sila...

Kanina, dahil araw ng mga patay at narealize ko ang ikli ng buhay...

Kanina, para naman makasama ko ng masaya at mas mahaba ang mga magulang ko...

Kanina, para kahit sa biglaang pagkakataon, maka-pasyal ulit kami ng buo...

Nakita ko ang 50% seat sale ng Cebu Pacific. Singapore, for 6 agad. Wala nang isip-isip pa.

Na-miss ko ang pamilya ko. Kanila muna ako. Ang trabaho naman, nanjan lang, mawala man, makakahanap ka din ng iba. Ang pamilya, isa lang. Makulit man minsan, magulo at pabagu-bago ang isip, hahanapin mo din yung kakaibang lambing na kahit sa kaninong tao mo hanapin, aminin mo, sila lang ang may kakayahang makapagbigay.

Friday, October 29, 2010

Married

Minsan, nabanggit ng isang babaeng kaibigan na posible daw na ako ang mapangasawa niya. Naisip ko, hmm, pwede nga naman.

Kagabi, nanaginip ako. Handa na daw siyang magpakasal. Gusto na raw ng pamilya niya, at gusto na din daw niya dahil may trabaho naman daw kami at nasa wastong edad na. Kinabahan daw ako dahil pakiramdam ko, yung joke niya dati ay parang commitment ko na din sa kanya, at napilitan akong ikasal sa kanya dahil hindi ako marunong tumanggi.

Hiniling ko na lang daw na itago namin ang kasal sa buong mundo. Secret wedding kumbaga. Sa makatuwid, sa kwarto ko naganap ang kasalan. Bago magsimula ang seremonya, bumisita ang isang kaibigan na lalaki sa bahay. Isang malapit na kaibigan.

"Bakit bihis ka? Anong meron?"

"Ah, eto, wala. May meeting ako mamaya eh."

"Naks! Coat!"

Bumalik ako sa kwarto at nakita ang aking bride-to-be. Nandun din ang kanyang pamilya. Yung akin, wala. Inisip kong tawagan ang pamilya ko, kahit nanay ko lang. Para man lang sa kasal ko, kahit secret, kahit biglaan, alam niya. Pero naisip ko, wag na lang. Itatago ko na lang sa kanya.

Sa kalagitnaan ng seremonya, kumakatok ang tropa sa pinto ng kwarto ko. Sinilip ko at sinabing, "sandali na lang, bababa na ako".

Natapos ang kasal.

Diretso labas kami ng mga tropa at uminom. Akala nila, normal boys night out, ayun pala, wedding reception na ang dating sa akin.

Pagkalipas ng isang araw, nasa bahay daw ako, Facebook mode. Naalala ko bigla na kasal na pala ako. Shet. Tinawagan ko si asawa. Kinamusta. Empty. Blanko.

Dumating ang pamilya ko sa bahay. Hindi daw ako makakilos ng tama. Hindi ko matingnan sa mata ang nanay ko. Nakaklungkot na parang ewan. Ganito pala ang pakiramdam.

Nagising ako na mabigat ang loob. Feeling ko, I cheated. Kasi sa panaginip ko, kinasal ako. Pakiramdam ko, taksil akong anak, kaibigan, lover, kapatid, lahat na. Kasi nilihim ko sa buong mundo ang kasal ko. Then it snapped. Panaginip lang pala. Panaginip lang.

RANDOMS.

Thursday, October 28, 2010

It's that time of the year

When we make a list of the gifts we want to receive for Christmas! Since it's xmas 2010, I'm making my top ten list.

Here goes:

1. A roundtrip ticket to Bangkok. I miss the place as much as I miss my Thai friends. The food, the busy streets, the friendly people. Wow.

2. A North Face bag. I'm getting tired with my old NF bag. Though it still works perfectly fine, anther one wouldn't hurt. =) Especially one with a laptop sleeve inside. heeeheee.

3. Running shoes! My pamporma Adidas shoes-turned jogging and gym shoes are worn out and ragged. I need new running shoes. Cross training ba tawag dun?

4. Seven shirts from FnX. too bad they took out the cartoons design. I would have loved wearing Tom and Jerry, Daffy and the rest. Why seven? Because FnX week sounds fun. ahahah! Grr, I'm getting another one this week.

5. Havaianas. I have two slippers from Flojos. But I'm missing my Havs. It was my must-hav. ahahah!

6. A portable EHD. My terabyte is heavy...heavy like the love you've shown...PYRAMID!!! ahahah. But sometimes, I need to carry my files along with me. So a portable external hard drive could come in handy. =)

7. A cool sticker for my Deme. I saw Ryan's Macbook with a Canon sticker. I could easily identify his Mac from the others because of that sticker. Hope my Deme could get something as cool as that.

8. A lomo camera. What must a guy do to get one of these cute babies? nuff said.

9. A hoodie with no zippers. Thought this jacket looks Harvard-y. Kahit sa porma like, magmukha akong Mark Zuckerberg-y/. PS, The Social Network isda bomb! But his photo here, hoodies got zippers. ahahh!


10. A Chowchow. And I will name you Peru. =) Labblabb

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Ahas sa Panaginip: ano ang kahulugan nito?

Bago ako matulog kagabi, may nakita akong lumilpad na ipis sa kwarto. Hindi ako nakatulog hangga't hindi ko siya napapatay. Spray. Spray. Patay. Sa mga ganitong pagkakataon, namimiss ko si Inday. Malinis kasi siya talaga sa bahay. Kahit anino ng ipis, wala. Nakatulog ako na katabi ang spray na Baygon.

Pagkatulog ko, nagsimula akong managinip. Basahan. Basahang gumagalaw. Naglalakad. Sumilip ang ulo ng ahas sa basahan. Pak. Ahas sa panaginip? Hmmm...

So naghanap ako sa internet ng maaaring interpretation sa panaginip na ito. Karamihan sa searches, puro itong si Honorio Ong ang lumalabas. Major niya siguro ito. At ito ang sabi niya:

Ang ahas nga pala sa panaginip ay maaari ding ipakahulugan na "tukso" na siya ring unang Ahas na Dumaya sa Sanlibutan. Ito iyong ahas na nakapalupot sa Bawal na Bunga na kinain ni Eba nuong siya ay nasa Paraiso ng Eden. Sa makatuwid, sa malapit na hinaharap o sa kasalukuyan, maaaring nakagawa ka ng isang bagay na immoral, kaya lagi kang nanaginip ng ahas. At pagkatapos mong gumawa ng isang bagay na immoral, tinutukso ka ng ahas, upang ito ay muli mong gawin.

May pangatlo pa nga palang kahulugan ng ahas, kung saan,
kung ikaw ay isang estudiyante na nag-aaral ng medical related course,
nagpapakita sa iyo ang ahas, sa iyong panaginip, dahil ito ay isang
kasiguraduhan o garantiyak na matatapos mo ang nasabing kurso, at hindi ka lang
makakatapos, bagkus mapagtatagumpayan mo pa ang nasabing larangan at sa bandang huli ay magiging dalubhasa ka
sa nasabing kurso, sapagkat ang ahas tulad din ng korte ng ating utak, ay
sumisimbolo din ng wisdom.



**

Noong six years old ako, bumida si Carlo . Caparas sa pamamagitan ng pagpapalabas ng mga true stories ng massacre sa pelikula. Bagamat ayaw ni moomy na manood ako ng ganito, kapag pinapalabas sa tv, nanonood ako. Isa na dito ay ang Lipa Massacre: God save the babies. Bida dito si Vima Santos, at ang killer ay si John Regala.

Sa pelikula, may mga pinasok si CJC na ilang eksena na magapahiwatig ng kamatayan. Katulad na lamang nung babae na sumusunod kay Ate V kahit saan siya magpunta. Sa mall, sa kalsada, kahit sa loob ng bahay. Parang sundo ang ganap ng babae. Nakakatakot.

Isa din dito ay ang pagkakaroon ng ahas sa panaginip niya. Ito ang tumatak sa akin. Na kapag mananaginip ako ng ahas, may mamamatay. True enough, minassacre ang pamilya niya.

Buti wala nang massacre sa pamilya masyado. Sa politika naman lumipat ang sumpa. At least masasamang tao na ang pinapatay. (beep beep)


**

Balik sa aking panaginip. Yung ahas, nagtatago daw sa ilalim ng basahan nakalitaw lang ang ulo. Nag-panic ako tulad nung pagpanic ko sa lumilipad na ipis sa kwarto ko bago ako matulog. Sumampa daw ako sa kama at winarningan yung iba ko pang kasamahan.

Dahil daw naalala ko yung eksena ng ipis, nagbago ang panaginip ko. Tinanggal ko daw yung basahan, at hindi pala ahas yung nasa ilalim, kundi isang gecko, na may ulo ng ahas. At dahil lumilipad ang ipis, lumipad din ang pesteng gecko. Mas napraning ako. Gising.


**

Sa palagay ko, may naligtas akong tao na mahal ko dahil binago ko ang takbo ng panaginip ko. Yun eh kung tama si Carlo Caparas sa opinyon na tungkol sa mga ahas na nagpapakita sa panaginip.

Kung si Honorio Ong naman ang papakinggan ko, sabi niya ay may ginawa daw akong imoral at nais ko daw itong gaiwn uli. Hmmm, isip-isip. Teka...(part deleted).

I therefore conclude, na kung si Inday pa din ang yaya ko, hindi mangyayari ang lahat ng ito. Baka ang nais iparating ng panaginip ko eh...miss ko na si Inday. Yun lang.

Crossing Over and randoms

A highschool batchmate just passed away. I don't know much about this kid until today when I finally decided to see his Facebook wall and read on eulogies. There were heartfelt goodbyes, some just said RIP. One person was obviously sad as she kept on posting from time to time just to say how much she misses Mark, the way he makes "lambing", his sweet disposition--Mark's mom all the way from Singapore.

She couldn't be with Mark for I don't now what reason. She's been flooding Mark's wall with photos of them together, fond memories through texts and the like. The pictures told a lot about Mark and his relationship with his mom. It was nice.

I never really had a conversation with Mark way back high school. He's this big dude surrounded by bigger dudes. I'd call them bullies. And as a student leader, I try to avoid people like him. It's highschool jungle, and I was a pretty obvious prey. Clean records. ahahah!

Two months ago, Mark added me up on Facebook. It came to me as a surprise. I presumed he was just adding up random people from school, but never the thought that he was just being friendly. I guess I was stereotyping him back then, thinking bullies and teachers' pets don't go well together. If not for his death, I wouldn't come across this idea that I was wrong. Or maybe for some reason, death brings out the good side of the person who died. To say something cruel to someone who couldn't defend himself is cruel in itself.

**

Now I say every guy has a soft spot for moms, for their girlfriends, for the special men and women in their lives. Guys may look tough on the outside, but hey, soldiers cry after losing battles too eh?

**

It's sad when moms lose their kids. Generally, losing someone is sad. But when parents lose their kids, it's against the flow of nature and the age sequence guide. It's like giving you a chance at a miracle that is a baby, then see it being taken away from you, that is with high regards to the formula of death and inevitability, together.

And so in life, we are faced with tough questions we dare not answer.

Wold you rather see the person you love the most die, or would you rather die and see the person you love mourning for your death? In time, we will face the answers to these questions. And when that time comes, we will not be facing choices, but rather harsh facts in life that we must learn to accept.

**

And so to my batchmate Mark, who's been a really good son and brother, a really good friend to his friends, may you rest in peace. Maybe soon when we meet up there, we can forget about stereotypes and grab a few bottles of beer...errr.... mocha frappes, ya?

I wish your family all the guidance and support they could get. Rest well Mark!

**

Mark posted a video by December Ave. titled TIME TO GO. It was the last video Mark posted on Facebook.

"I find it hard to leave you
And I just cant understand
What am I without you?
Are we meant to face the end?"


Rest in peace my friend.

Sa kagustuhang magkaroon ng kontrol sa pagkain

Hindi tulad nung nag master cleanse ako, ngayon eh walang goal ang pagpapapayat ko. Sa MC kasi, 10 days ang kailangan mong tapusin. Sa totoong buhay kung saan healthy living, habambuhay. Kailangan ko ng pattern tulad ni MamFaye na every Wednesday eh fasting day para sa kanya. Kailangan ko ng ganun na may kaakibat na social importance at value.

Si mommy ay nagsimula nang mag invest dito sa herbal Life. Isang pangkaraniwang diet na talamak na sa buong bansa. As a matter of fact, nung nagbukas siya ng nutrition Cenetr sa Lucena, andami agad niyang customers. Madami na ang nagnanais maging healthy nowadays. Pag may bagong labas na gamot for health, sige lang ang mga tao, minsan na lang mag dalawang isip.

Ngayon, sinusubikan ko itong Herbal Life. Oatmeal, banana, Herbal Life powder at water lang. Blend together with ice. Breakfast at dinner mo na yun! Presto!

Unlike MC, you get to eat solid food. Sa lunch, bahala ka kung ano ang gusto mong kainin. So hindi ka makakaramdam ng deprivation. Hindi nakakadepress.

Sana lang mas maging healthy ako. Napapagod na din kasi ako sa pagsakit ng tiyan kapag sobra ang kinakain ko to the point na nasusuka ako at nahihilo. Gusto ko maging malakas ang resistensiya, gusto ko maging malusog at masigla. Dahil sa mundong ginagalawan ko, kailangan ganito. aahhah

Friday, October 22, 2010

Parang Prom

ni: Wado Siman


Magkasabay pumasok ang magkaibigang si Joshua at Se sa malaking pink and blue balloon arc sa entrance ng hotel kung saan ginaganap kanilang reunion na ang theme ay high school prom. Agad hinanap ni Se ang matangkad na basketbolistang si Ryan, pero wala pa ito sa reunion.


Joshua
I told you he wasn’t coming.

Se
Maaga lang tayong dumating. Can we stay a bit longer? Hanapin mo muna yung mga barkada mo, sina Pochaco ba yun?

Joshua
Pocholo…

Se
Yeah, him. Please Yua! This might be the last time I’ll ever meet Ryan.

Joshua
And then what?

Se
Look around Yua, high school prom na high school prom ang dating ng reunion natin! Remember prom??

Joshua
I try not to.

Se
Yua, please. If he says no, promise, kakalimutan ko na siya. Erase all. Ganun. Dali na, para saan pa nag pinagsamahan natin?

Joshua
High school prom na high school prom pa rin talaga, kahit ikaw.

Se
Gagi.

Joshua
Bahala ka, I'm getting drunk.

Se
Ikaw bahala.

Pocholo
(entes from afar) Yua, ikaw ba yan?

Joshua
Hindi. Adik! (smiles as he approaches Pocholo)

Pocholo
It's hard to recognize you with the beard, and without Se as your date. San siya?

Joshua
Looking for jerkface.

Pocholo
Si Ryan?

Joshua
Who else?

Pocholo
So I'm guessing hindi ka pa rin nagtatapat kay Se?

Joshua
Well, she's all over Ryan. Unang kita namin, she updated me about Ryan's Facebook account. The hell.

Pocholo
And you're at the "prom" reunion talking to me, why?

Joshua
Dahil I will wait until Ryan says no to her. Then she comes running at me in tears. Perfect plan!

Pocholo
This is high school prom all over again. Ahahah! Kahit ikaw.

Joshua
Gagi!

WAKAS

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Lito Much

Ngayon, medyo nalilito na ako sa work. Hindi sa ginagawa ko, kundi sa work description ko.

Hindi ko rin naman siguro ito mararamdaman kung walang work comparison mula sa ibang shows. Kaya as much as possible, hindi ako nagcocompare.

Comaparison aside, nakakalito pa din. Ako ay Tech P.A. at Supervising Editor at the same time. Pero bilang Supervising Editor ang pamagat ko sa CBB, ito ang mas pinapanindigan ko. Sideline ko na lang ika ang pagiging tech P.A. Kabisado ko na naman ang trabahong ito, so okay lang na ako pa din. Kumbaga, for old time's sake.

Wala naman akong naging problema sa compensation dati, kasi wala namang nagrereklamo sa trabaho ko. Pero kapag may naririnig ka na

"bakit hindi niya ginagawa ito?? Siya dapat mag pullout!"

"Dapat si Wado ang gumawa niyan!"

"Wado, kailangan ko ng billing."

...dito ako nasisira. Tingin yata nila eh hindi ko ginagawa ang trabaho ko ng mabuti.

For the past three consecutive tapings, smooth ang technicals. Pero may nasusumbat pa din sila. Na kung sa totoong buhay, trabaho na nila ang ginagawa ko. Husay. Ako na tuloy ang nahihiya para sa kanila.

Masasabing charity work ang pamumuno ko sa technicals dahil sa P500 na kita ko dito kada linggo. Walang binatbat sa normal na P2,500 P.A. sweldo ng tech P.A. per taping sa iba.

Pero hindi na lang ako nagsasalita dahil mahal ko ang karamihan ng tao sa trabaho, at ito ay ginagawa ko na lang para sa kanila, sa mga kaibigang nakita ko sa production, sa mababait na light director, cameramen, utility, service drivers, suppliers (Edwin ng RS, Rey ng Forscink, Weng ng MC Lights, at Monica ng Precision).

Sana lang huwag na nilang sumbatan ang pagiging relax ko pag taping habang sila ay ngarag. Hindi ko kasi kasalanan kung tapos naman na ang trabaho ko. Pag tapos ka na ba sa trabaho, ibig sabihin, kunin mo yung trabaho ng iba? Minsan, pag deserving, go. Pero nakakastress lang kapag tumutulong ka na nga lang, may manunumbat pa. Kung alam niyo lang ang ngarag ko before taping. Try niyo mag tech PA, tingnan ko lang kung hindi kayo magreklamo.

Nagsusulat ako hindi dahil galit ako, kundi dahil na-ooffend ako sa mga sinasabi ng iba, at sa mga pinapagawa na hindi ko naman sakop talaga. Kaya most of the time, ito yung mga pinapalpakan ko, kasi hindi ko trabaho, hindi ko kabisado.

Kung sa sumabtan ng trabaho, madami akong maibabato. Pero hindi ako ganun. Hindi ko ginagawa yun.

Sana bago ako punahin, isipin.

Tama ba ang ginagawa ko as opposed to what Wado is doing?

Magkano ba ang kinikita ko at ang kinikita ni Wado?

Is it me or is Wado being reasonable?

Kawawa si Wado, kasi Waldo ang tawag sa kanya ng ibang tao sa set.

***

Kasi feeling ko hindi na tama.

Sulat mo na lang Wado. Tao lang naman sila, puro salita. Isipin mo na lang, mahirap ang mga pinagdaanan nila sa buhay, ikaw hindi.

Isipin mo na lang, mahal ka ng mga kaibigan mo.

Isipin mo na lang, lagi mong naikikita si Carla Humphries pag taping.

Isipin mo na lang, mahal ka ng mga suppliers mo, at isang request mo lang, sunod agad sila.

Isipin mo na lang sina Mamfaye, Joselle, Ynah, Nins, Judy at Anthony na laging anjan para pasayahin ang taping.

Isipin mo na lang si Kuya Hapon na hinahatid ka sa bahay para hindi maholdap ang Macbook mo.

Isipin mo na lang ang makukulit na sina Mang Emmy, Mang Boy, at ang makwentong si Tatay Rigor.

Isispin mo na lang na dagdag kita din ang P500. Makakatulong ito sa Mac Fund.

Isipin mo na lang, Charity Work. Dahil sa dami ng blessings mo, mamigay ka naman daw.

Isipin mo na lang na hindi ito nakakalito. Tanggapin mo lang ng buo, maiintindihan mo.

Monday, October 18, 2010

Wado launches the MAC Fund!

What is the MAC Fund (MF)?

It's a fund for my Mac. =) Even if it's up and running, I still have to pay for it. And I've given myself eight months to complete paying for it.

This month of October, I lost P3,500 for forgetting about my event in SAGA. I thought Oct. 16 was a sunday, saturday pala. I ended up with a bad reputation at SAGA, and P3,500 poorer.

From my paycheck, a regular P10,000 goes to the MF. The remaining is shared by me and my savings.

Now I'm looking for other possible sources of income. If I can make the P80,000 quota earlier than 8 months, that would be an achievement.

So if you can be of help, don't hesitate. I know I won't. =)

If you know any part-time job...

If you need any videos to be edited...

If you need company that charges by the hour...erase that...

holler!

Rainy days and that Megi typhoon

What am I thankful for this rainy day?

I am thankful for the fine cold weather. Sleeping last night minus the air conditioner was fantastic. After 48 hours of being awake, 12 hours of straight sleep was an indisputable remedy. I called up the first person that came into my mind. Perfect morning. I took an overdue shower right after.

I am thankful for my new MacBook Pro. 15 inches of amazing interface, I can't wait to start working with it(and earn with it! *wink). I got this baby at a great bargain, thanks to my sister's boyfriend with such great connections. =) 8 months of payment means I gotta work extra hard. *kayod*kayod. I call her, Deme. =)


I am also thankful for this time away from work. My cellphone has been silent for the past four days after taping. I'm away from my suppliers, people from work, etc. Though yesterday was tough. I was up for 48 hours editing our show for next week. Good thing I was with Judy (a.k.a. master-to-be editor) the entire time. Work was a breeze. =)

I am thankful for Ms. Yvette yesterday. She saw me and Judy yesterday walking at the lobby, called us and said, "pa-hug nga, namimiss ko na kayong dalawa." It was the sweetest gesture. Working with her was like working with cotton balls on wheels. She's bubbly and professional all the same.

I am thankful for this hot cup of tsokolate. I bought this cocoa tablets from the grocery two weeks ago. This morning, the weather told me that I am ready for some hot pleasures today. And so I made a cup just for myself.


I am thankful for the people's love and support.

I am thankful for my mom.

I am thankful for my sisters.

I am thankful for my dad who's running again for Barangay chair on the 25th.

I am thankful for my friends who constantly update me despite my shutdown periods.

I am thankful for today.

I am thankful for life.

I am thankful for the people I love.

Thanks God, thank You for making these simple things in life very special for me.

I am loved.

---

Ikaw, what are you thankful for today?

Friday, October 15, 2010

Jealousy and Envy

Jealousy is all about the loss of what one has, while envy focuses on not having what one wants. Being jealous is rooted on personal issues more-so about love. So it's better to envy rather than become jealous?

RANDOMS.

Touched by a stranger

It was a weird and disturbing Wednesday.

It was raining outside. I was inside a mall by myself. I felt sick, weak and like throwing up. I think I had too much to eat that day. Or maybe because I lacked sleep. When I don't get enough sleep, I couldn't eat well. I've been like this for the past two weeks, and it's sad. I get allergies now more than ever. I know something's wrong with my body.

Back to the story.

I couldn't walk anymore. I'd stay inside a restaurant, but what to order? I don't want to think. I couldn't think.

A sea of people. Someone touches my shoulder from behind. Everything around me stopped. Silence drowned the chattering people. It was a weird sensation, I was prepared to see the Virgin Mary in front of me. In slow motion, I looked back to see who's responsible for all of this. A girl handed me a letter.

SCAM. Fuck. Putangina! I clenched my wrist and I was about to hit this girl.

Flashback. Stories of being hypnotized by strangers and end up being robbed.

The girl was now in front of me. I tried to avoid her eyes. I was successful. I gently pushed her away and walked as fast as I could.

Until now, I'm thinking of her. Not because I feel sorry, but because her touch bothered me. The eerie sensation is still in my body. I couldn't help it. I had to write this down. Just to get it all out.

Christmas is near. People are crazy for money.

While driving along Cubao, two street boys cornered a taxi waiting for the stoplight to go green. I was behind the cab. The boy by the passenger's seat window was knocking asking for alms. On the other hand, the other kid tries to open the driver's door and grabs whatever he could from the driver's dashboard. As it turns out, the kid begging for alms was distracting the driver. Lights turn green, but the cab and I didn't make it to the intersection. A new pair arrives and does the same to the driver. Now I was scared.

Ano kayang iniisip ng driver ngayon? Takot? Galit? And were the kids able to get anything from the driver?

Christmases are supposed to be about love and Jesus and merriment and gifts and thankfulness. These poor people puts a bad reputation to it. So don't hate me when I don't give to the poor or mock them, I've had my taste of being robbed several times. Laptop, wallet, iPod, cellphone and whathaveyou. I've got enough angst to last a lifetime. Nothing wrong with being poor, it's how you work for a living that bothers me.

Kung ako naging mahirap, I won't steal. I'd be a jeepney barker, a farmer, or a janitor. But I won't steal from other people. I won't blame the rich for my misfortunes. That's just me.

Sa bagay, may mga milyonaryo nga diyan na nagnanakaw pa din eh. Yun nga lang, mas professional sila, hindi sa kalsada ang raket nila, sa opisina.

Happy barangay elecetions people!

Friday, October 1, 2010

A letter to my health


Dear health,

I will take very good care of you for the rest of my life. I’m sure you’re jumping with glee with the food I’m taking in, see photos? I may smoke at times, I’m sorry. I may drink too, at times, I’m sorry. I’m stressed at work and sometimes sleep deprived.

But I need the money to buy these treats for you. HAHAAH! SUHOL.

We’ll go a long way in this direction. You and me.

Let’s go century! ahahah!


Love, Wado. (your boss)

Nightmares tonight

It's 3am and I'm still up. Yes, I tried sleeping, as a matter of fact, I'm tired and exhausted. I could really use some sleep. But I've been escaping nightmares three times for the past two hours. So while they are still fresh in my memory, I will write about them.

I was inside a dormitory, an officemate was on the bed across the room. He's a closet gay officemate who's been hitting on me for the past few months. People at the office really thinks he's gay, but he's not giving in. He shared his story to me once, and now I have a deeper understanding of where he is coming from. But maybe because of that, he's becoming more and more aggressive to make a move on me.

Anyway, he was sleeping across the dark room. Lights from the street outside were peeping through the glass window. Silhouette. Night. I was sleepy, and so I tried sleeping. Had a bad dream, and woke up inside the same dark dormitory. My room mate was gone. Then someone suddenly grabbed me, I knew it was him. Big, hairy guy. I tried to push him away, he wouldn't budge. I pushed him a little more, but I was too weak for him. I realized it was a dream, I tried to bite my lips to wake up. Reality.

TV was still on. Aircon automatically sets to fan mode. Brother on the other bed. I was catching my breath. I assumed I wouldn't dream again after that, I was wrong.

Dream continues. I was inside the dorm, officemate is nowhere in sight. I said: "ayaw ko na matulog, baka bangungutin lang ulit ako." So I went outside my dorm. Ortigas. I was at MetroDorm. I stayed at MetroDorm for two months during my OJT at Regal Films and SAGA Events. I waited outside for a cab. Nothing.

A bald yuppie approached me and asked, "Taxi?"

I said yes.

He led me to a white car. Not a cab, but a car.

I was bothered. But I couldn't care more. I just wanted to be away from my officemate. We got off the driver's dorm. Pretty much similar to MetroDorm, but here, the lights were on. He led me inside, I don't know why I went in. But I did. I took the top bunk of the double decker, he was across the room, on the top bunk of another double decker bed.

I asked him what's wrong. NR. He looks Chinese, 30's, skinny. There was something wrong with his eyes, His left eye was shut, and his right eye was white. Weird. But I knew he was looking right at me, with pity. Like a friend wanting to get some answers from another friend, I asked him again, now in a more pleading note.

"Huy, anong problem?"

His facial reaction says "I'm sorry". My heart pounded again.

Someone from the bottom bunk grabs my leg and was pulling me down. I looked at the chinese guy again, and he was already looking away. He didn't want to see what was going to happen to me. I kicked. Once. Twice. I felt weak. I was crying.

And then it hit me, I am dreaming. I tried to wake myself up. Bit my lips, moved my shoulders.

Next thing I knew, I'm in front of my laptop, writing this entry.

What if I couldn't tell if it's already a dream in my next few dreams, will I be able to wake up from it? What if I give in?

The thought alone scares the hell out of me. But just like death, sleeping is inevitable. It's sad.

The only solid act which can get you rested has now gotten stress written all over it.

Of death and decisions

Last night, I was at the hospital primarily to get my eyes checked. Red rashes circled my eyes, though they look more like freckles than rashes. I threw up twice in the event they showed up. I wasn't really feeling good that day, and these red spots got me paranoid.

As I was preparing to be diagnosed with dengue(preparing for the bigger picture), another family was dealing with a very difficult situation. A man in a comatose after a stroke.

Apparently, the family did not have enough money, and Makati Med is not the ideal place for them to be. Since it was the nearest hospital from where "tatay" was attacked, he was immediately rushed there unmindful of the expenses they're getting in to.

The doctor said that the operating room alone would cost P130,000. And the operation would range from P350,000 to P6000,000. Three veins are out, and blood is slowly flooding his brain. As the minute goes, so does his chance for survival.

After the operation, "tatay" would get a 50/50 chance of survival. If he makes it, the best possible condition for him would be a vegetable man relying on meds and machines to pump blood in his heart. Not quite the happy ending for a P600,000 operation.

Now the family was left with the choice of letting tatay undergo the operation and take care of him at the hospital for the rest of his machine-powered life, or to simply let go and accept the fact that there is nothing they could really do about it.

Death is inevitable, but doing nothing to escape it is another thing. Questions of morality arise. Are we prolonging his life or prolonging his agony?

Sure, tatay would rather die, but his family thinks otherwise. Hindi madali ang mawalan, lalo na kapag alam mong mawawala ito ng tuluyan.

Our driver had the same experience with his lola, and he was insisting that the family should give up on tatay.

"Ganyan din lola ko eh, pinabayaan na lang namin."

I thought that was selfish, but then he said some more..

"Hiniram lang naman natin ang buhay eh. Nagamit mo na naman mabuti, pag kinukuha na, ibalik mo ng kusa. Wag yung ganyang makikipag-agawan ka pa."

And then it hit me, everything is temporary.

Last night, I went home without doing anything about my allergies. I went back to my work at 1 in the morning, and left by 2am. I drove home from Makati with some serious thoughts running inside my head.

Tatay made decision-making easier for his family. He passed this morning.

If there's anything I would like to do, and I can do them now, I would take the opportunity and do them right away. Life is too short to wait on promises and forever. Life is today, make it count!